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The Blurb-O-Matic!

Welcome authors!

I'd love to blurb your manuscript or your book. It's one of the best ways for me to spread my name, and to make a little money. What YOU get is a 100% genuine blurb, from me, Po Bronson. (So what if I don't actually read your book--who will know?) It's a win-win situation. I offer three blurb plans to fit your budget.

Instant Blurb

Cost: $50 flat rate, unless one of my novels makes the New York Times Bestseller list, in which case the fee automatically (and retroactively) increases to $80.

"<Your Name>'s <Your Book Title> marks the debut of an important new voice in contemporary letters."

Economy Blurb

"<Your Name> is a writer to watch."

Cost: $100 Flat rate. Good for all your works, not just your books. Magazine articles, personal ads, job resumes, whatever. Buy one for your son, attach it to his college application essay! BONUS: invest in the Economy Blurb and also get this additional adverb and punctuation mark at no additional cost, sure to boost the impact of your economy blurb: "Closely!"

Example: "Dick Miller is a writer to watch closely!" See how much more enthusiastic that sounds?

Blurb-O-Matic

Cost: $0.01 (one penny) per unit of initial print run. For example, if your novel has an initial print run of 20,000 copies, the cost to you of a Blurb-O-Matic is a mere $200.

Which female author do you like? (check one)

  • Anne Rice

  • Annie Proulx

  • Jane Austen

Which male author do you like?

  • Albert Camus

  • Michael Crichton

  • Mark Twain

Appropriate emotional reaction to the book:

  • tears

  • laughter

  • afraid to sleep alone in the house

  • philosophical self-examination

  • renewed vigor for life's small miracles

I assume your book is a page-turner (think about it--what books can you read *without* turning the pages?) Check appropriate box that best implies "I didn't put it down."

  • I stayed up all night.

  • I called in sick to work.

  • I skipped dinner.

  • I didn't read Dilbert for three days!

Sample Blurb-O-Matic:
If Anne Rice ever got it on with Albert Camus, the result would be a writer like Dick Miller, and a book like "How to Motivate Employees." After reading it, I called in sick. I couldn't stop crying all day. I hadn't read Dilbert!

Legal Fine Print: The Blurb-O-Matic is not eligible to residents of Michigan, or any other state shaped like a mitten.