I learned that having a child does not always make the question evaporate in the glow of that joy.  

Such as Katt Clark. When Katt was nineteen, months before the US Trials for the Seoul Olympics, she was one of the best female shot-putter/discus throwers in the country.

Katt was a super tall and super strong woman, gargantuan, and in most of society she is an eyesore, she does not fit in anywhere but on the track, where all of that mass is transformed into an beautiful explosion of power. She was given a test for blood doping, and was informed that she was eight weeks pregnant. It is the baby or the Olympics. The choice is easy for her.

Marlaena is the most beautiful child. Katt raises her by herself and devotes her life to her daughter. She never regrets it, never thinks about track again. They’re like sisters. They are so close they’re sometimes telepathic. When Katt turns 32, last year, she decides to get that college degree she never did, and enrolls in night classes at De Anza Community College. One night she is drawn mysteriously to the track coach’s office. She begins training again. She works in the days, trains after work, and attends classes at night. All of her strength comes back in three months. Her form is perfect. She’s throwing better than she was at nineteen. Her coach is thinking US Trials again.  

Marlaena's fourteen, and budding and beautiful, and her homework is suffering. Finals are coming. Two days before Christmas, Marlaena confronted her Mom. “Mom, I am lonely. You are never home anymore.”  

Katt asks if I have any children. I show her pictures of my son, who is six months old. Nothing matters more to me than taking care of what he needs. I still have to write, though. I not only have to write - I have to write the biggest book I ever have, a book that takes me all over the country and across both oceans.

Katt resigns from the team, and shortly later quits school. Occasionally she resented her sacrifices. But then Marlaena received her grades, which were excellent. And that made it all worthwhile. The most frustrating thing about parenting is not the sacrifices – it’s when you try everything and they still won’t eat, or they shut you out, and won’t accept your comfort. You feel helpless. And the opposite is the most fulfilling – when being there for them actually helps. So the fulfillment wasn’t in merely being a mother – it was in being a great mother, in spending a lot of time with her daughter and really being aware of what she was thinking and feeling – having that telepathic-like connection.

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